Thoughts of an alien, strandet on earth
From the secret diary
March 11th, 2003: strandet
F-ck! Low energy. I will not be able to leave this nice place for years!
March 12th, 2003: stranded on earth!
Tried some batteries. Called some Hotlines. Even Duracell could not help. Will I need a nuclear power station?
Stranded on earth!
March 13th, 2003: Am I rich?
I could sell some of my souveniers from the mine, today. You need lots of money to survive in this world.
...and to buy a home...
March 15th, 2003: poor alien
I should not have left my furniture on the street. Some people thought, I wanted to throw them away and took them!
March 16th, 2003: Sunday
Slept long, ate good.
March 17th, 2003:
My hand got stuck in the mailbox, when I tried to get some letters out of it.
Passing children laughed at me all the day. Firemen freed me while it already was turning dark.
They almost pulled down the house, when they broke open the mailbox.
March 18th, 2003: Earthlings!
They want to fly to Mars. It is a challenge, of course.
But Mars is not really beautiful, trust me. And the food for astronauts looks not that appetising.
My lunch was better, I bet: Pizza
March 19th, 2003:
Cash machines are outstanding. Everyone should have one.
Today I found out that they do not print the money, but unfortunately only distribute it to banking customers.
March 20th, 2003: spinning
Watching rotating washing machines is fun. TV has more variety, of course. But it is not that colorful and full of life.
March 21st, 2003: weatherman
I want to barbecue on Sunday, therefore I tried to order good weather.
The weatherman told me he had no influence on the weather, as a meteorologist could only forecast the weather.
Nonsense! I can look for clouds and hold my nose in the wind on my own.
Maybe he must not satisfy whishes for individual weather...
I will try to buy his support. Sunday we will see, if my offer ist high enough.
March 22nd, 2003: Dog food
There are these pretty fleshy rings, which look really appetising...
Unfortunately they taste just as boringly, as they smell!
March 23rd, 2003: Sunshine
The cabrio was a good gift! He can not close its roof, because it is defective. So he would have got wet himself, if he would have let it rain.
March 29th, 2003: wired
Everything is wired. Refrigerators, television sets, irons, vacuum cleaner, trains...
Many things are tied up, so they will not be lost.
But who would lose power stations?
March 30th, 2003: hiding my antennas...
Today I had a conversation about the possible existence of alien lifeforms with my neighbors.
When I will have returned to my own world, I will send them photos of my two-headed sister-in-law.
March 31st, 2003: cannibalism
I ate americans with my coffee.
Fortunately it was pastry, which is only named this way!
March 11th, 2003: strandet
Just joking! It is April 1st - please forgive me, I could not resist.
April 2nd, 2003: appetising
Ketchup is wonderful red, fruity and sweet.
Somebody told me, people liked it because it looks like blood...
April 3rd, 2003: Hope
I met another visitor at the flea market. He ist stranded, too.
Maybe we will solve this together.
April 9th, 2003: still here
We had some experiences...
Now we know:
Car batteries may explode, if you short circuit them.
When you empty a whole artificial lake, you get only the energy to generate a path to run away to the next continent.
Even the Russians do not allow private experiments with their nuclear reactors.
Catching lightnings is complicated and dangerous - My feet still smell funny.
April 13th, 2003: Visitor from overseas
Today I took a hitchhiker with me, the honorable Miss L.
After she got hurt during her societies business trip to the orient, she is going to visit her parents and old friends in Europe.
But she is going to stay only a short time. She does not want to leave her children too long, especially the twins Trudy and Ruthy.
She worries, the babysitter could arrange wild partys and destroy her home.
April 21st, 2003: found
Lots of chocolate eggs and chocolate hare lay still around the house, hidden behind bushes and in flower boxes.
So I do not need to go shopping tomorrow.
May 4th, 2003: Ice is nice!
Now it is getting warm and everybody eats ice. Me too.
Maybe it is not so bad on this planet.
May 31st, 2003: Rain
Weather was hot, yesterday. The neighbours children cooled themselves in blown up basins.
Today it is raining. Everybody runs home. They react this way even when it is warm!
I guess this behaviour is religious motivated.
Maybe the water from sky is reserved at first for the plants and animals.
The children I asked, only laughed. It seems to be obvious even for them.
June 20th, 2003: headache
Was arrested some weeks for breaking laws - physical laws.
I could not resist floating around.
But there is a good reason for gravitation...
When your feet touch the ground, there is enough space between your head and the chandelier...
"Aaaah! - Oh look, all those stars... and the nice angels!"
January 10th, 2004: Bang, you are dead...
I feel as if I survived an atomic war and a nuclear winter... this year began shooting me out of my dreams and confronting myself with a burning Sky.
Today a neighbour told me, the new year had only traditionally been given a salute using fireworks. I hope, it is not that shocked as me!
Even if you want to help a stranded alien leaving earth, please do not offer me plutonium. It is illegal!